


Tears

by kekneki



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, M/M, Procrastination at its finest, drabble i wrote in less than a day, go me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 00:57:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6173731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kekneki/pseuds/kekneki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Clearly I do.” Hide squeezed his arm, mainly to vent out his own frustrations. “You remember that rabbits die of loneliness, right Ken? What’ll happen when you finally leave for too long…?”</p>
<p>“Don’t say that, Hide…”</p>
<p>“K-Ken…” Hide hiccupped softly, little tears rolling down his face. “Why can’t I just have you b-back…?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tears

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is literally an act of revenge tbh

Hide’s chin rested on his knee, hands wrapped around his leg as a lump pressed its weight in his throat. His eyes were dry and reddened from exhaustion and tears as he sat in the unorganized bed sheets. A comforter that smelled familiar to him covered his feet only, a pillow between his lower back and the head board. The clock on the wall ticked silently, while the digital clock on the nightstand buzzed continuously, reading two thirty-six in the morning.

His skin, red with sadness and fury, yet also blue from lack of steady breathing, and of course, black from bruises; he definitely was a canvas at this point. He felt the lingering pressure of fingertips to his shoulders, fingernails to his shoulder blades, teeth to his neck…. But it was slowly fading with each passing day. His head throbbed as his body began to slow down more and more with every minute he remained awake. Hide had a really screwed up determination about him, whether it was participating in dangerous detective work, ripping flyer after flyer off city walls across the map, or even risking his life for the moonlight to his clear skies…

Hides breathing was deep and raspy, but easer as he heard what sounded like a door opening downstairs. He heard the wind hit the door of the balcony distinctly afterwards, so he definitely wasn’t imagining it this time. A light sniffling came from his nose as his emotions began to light back up. Slowly, he could hear the wood creak under distant footsteps that got closer and closer to the bedroom. Socks swiped along the carpet of the hallway after the stairs, heavy breathing at the door as the knob slowly turned…

“…Hide?”

An equally tired voice met Hide’s ears. His head turned slowly in Kaneki’s direction, his eyes not changing from their exhausted appearance. Tears threatened to form and drip down again, his heart threatening to break after mending so many times. Hide missed the other so much; maybe even too much.

“…Hide.” Kaneki repeated, his tone a bit less stressed. “How did you get in here…? You should be at home…”

“I picked the lock.” Hide answered weakly, eyes staring holes through Kaneki. “You know, you need to get some better locks…”

“You shouldn’t be here…” Kaneki sighed gently, shutting the door and walking towards the bed. “You look awful, and I told you I would come get you tomorrow. Why did you come?”

“Because I missed you, idiot.” Hide’s tone turned a little more harsh, the tears stinging his eyes once again. “It hurts when you leave like this, Kaneki.”

“I know.”

“Then let me be desperate.” His head rose from his knee, his legs laying on the bed as his hands rested on his lap. “I just wanted to see you again, after waiting for months… and you can’t even give me as much as a smile?”

“Hide, please, it’s not that at all…” Kaneki’s calmer disposition began to drop. He took a seat on the bed next to Hide, his legs hanging off as he placed a hand on Hide’s shoulder. Kaneki could feel the other shaking as he became overwhelmed with his own emotions, and Kaneki felt horrible.

“Then what is it, Ken?” Hide snapped, speaking even more weakly than earlier. “Even when you’ve come back to me after all this time, you still can’t let me get closer to you…? Even now you leave for days, weeks, or even months at a time and expect me not to bat an eye? Do you know how shitty that makes me feel, K-Ken…?”

Kaneki felt himself cracking under the pressure as Hide spilled it. His own sad eyes met Hide’s in understanding, his lips parting slightly as he tried to find the words to say. “Hide, I just want to keep you safe…”

“Keep _me_ safe? What about you?” Hide grabbed the other’s arm, causing Kaneki to wince. “See? I can tell that you’re injured, or sore, or tired… What about _your_ health, Ken? Am I not allowed to be concerned about you?”

“I didn’t say that. I just… you don’t need to worry about me like that.” His voice, just like his rebuttal, was feeble.

“Clearly I do.” Hide squeezed his arm, mainly to vent out his own frustrations. “You remember that rabbits die of loneliness, right Ken? What’ll happen when you finally leave for too long…?”

“Don’t say that, Hide…”

“K-Ken…” Hide hiccupped softly, little tears rolling down his face. “Why can’t I just have you b-back…?”

Kaneki hummed softly, spreading his arms and getting out of Hide’s grip to pull Hide into a hug. Hide’s head went into his shoulder, tears staining his already dirty sweatshirt. Kaneki squeezed him gently, trying to spread his warmth to the other’s shaking body. “Hide, I-”

“You’re such an i-idiot, you know?” Hide snuffled in Kaneki’s shirt, squeezing the other back even harder. “You have me so w-worried about you all the time…”

“H-Hide, I’m sorry…” Kaneki’s own waterworks began in reaction to Hide’s. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand through the hug. “I don’t mean to seem so distant…”

“Just s-stop talking, Ken. Stop. I don’t wanna hear any more.” Hide lifted his head, parting their bodies slightly from the hug. His fatigued, tearstained eyes stared back into Kaneki’s. “I don’t w-want to hear another word. No excuses. None of it.” He swiftly leaned forward before Kaneki had a chance to react, pressing his lips to Kaneki with intentional force. He made Kaneki almost bite his lip in the kiss, but he didn’t care. Kaneki reciprocated the kiss slowly, despite Hide’s roughness against him.

When Hide finally pulled away, Kaneki only blinked out his own tears in reaction. Sure, the kiss was long-needed, but the intensity of it; how it was played out… sort of struck a nerve with him. His now bruised lip went from being parted from the other to stretched on his face. Kaneki’s teeth grit as his own whining could be heard through his crying and closed mouth. He began to slowly understand Hide’s cruel reality check; the desperation and the depression all formed into one swift motion was something all too familiar to Kaneki. Hide felt like his throat was being weighed down by his heavy, golden heart because he couldn’t even bring himself to vocally comfort the other.

The pain in his arm from Hide grabbing the sore muscle didn’t even compare to the strain on his vocal chords. One of Kaneki’s hands moved to cup one of Hide’s tearstained cheeks. The other went to brush some of his messy, under-dyed hair out of his wet eyes. Hide’s once maple brown eyes began to reflect Kaneki’s own eyes; pale in tone, empty, alone… it was something Kaneki didn’t want to familiarize with all over again. He felt like his heart was being crushed, pushed back together again like clay, only to be ripped apart all over again. Those solid minutes of silence were Kaneki’s reflective and judgment period; he knew Hide was waiting for something.

Kaneki’s hand, once in Hide’s hair, moved to wiping the tears from his eyes. He had a twisted philosophy; he didn’t want Hide’s tears wasted on anything, especially Kaneki. Hide was too special, too pure, too fragile, too… limited. Kaneki didn’t want Hide’s tears as an indication of him fading away; hat would drive Kaneki off the deep end, which was the last thing he wanted for himself again. Yet, he never stopped to think about what would happen to Hide if… Kaneki had left him again. For the moment, he felt like he was in Hide’s shoes all over again.

But he knew deep down, he would never be able to understand the pain Kaneki thoughtlessly put Hide through. No punch, bite-filled kiss, or even a stinging rebuttal will ever compare to it. Hide knew this, but Kaneki had a better idea of it; the person who was put through endless, violent physical and mental torture, manipulated, almost lost it for the final hurrah…

“Hide.” Kaneki’s throat was dry, and his voice was raspy. “Stop crying, please…”

“Ken-“

“No, I mean it. S-Stop crying.” Kaneki repeated, despite crying himself. “Please. I’m h-here now. Don’t cry anymore…”

Hide snuffed a little, blinking out more extra tears. “Ken…”

“See? Just like that, Hide.” Kaneki’s voice gained a little tone. His hand that still rested on Hide’s cheek poked at the skin a little. “Can I tell you something?”

“….”

“I love you. A lot.” His voice became clearer; Kaneki started to regain his edge a little bit. “I love you so much, okay? More than I can describe. You’re literally the most important person to me. Not human, not Dove, but _person_.”

“I-“

“Uh uh.” Kaneki pressed a finger to Hide’s lips. “You want to know what else? I think you’re so special to me, so precious; all I want to do is protect you. But I know that through my own methods I hurt you a lot. I understand that more than anything. All I want to do is… do my best to make up for it. By any means. By loving you.”

Hide’s expression eased, the tears finally stopping and his eyes lowering a little. Perhaps a little red was forming in his cheeks.

“…Please Hide. I know that in a way, you’ll probably never forgive me. It hurts to know this, but that’s reality. I’m not… asking for an apology. I-I’m undeserving of one; I’m undeserving of _you_. And yet all I want in my life right now is you. Give me this much; if you can’t give me closure or forgiveness, at least ease my own personal burden by…” Kaneki swallowed hard; enough to scrape his sore throat. “l-loving me…”

“’neki…” Hide spoke through Kaneki’s finger; a bit muffled. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“I love you more.”

“Impossible.”

“Shut up.”

Hide pushed Kaneki’s hand away, initiating another kiss; this one, however, was gentler. Kaneki’s heart’s weight lifted slightly as his heartbeat fluttered with the contact. Sniffles were exchanged as their lips parted, both tearstained boys staring each other in the eyes. Kaneki pushed a smile to form on his lips, and Hide managed to do the same. They had managed to directly relate to each other for the first time in… an unsettling long time.

“Hide?” Kaneki inquired.

“Yeah, ‘neki?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, you big dummy.” Hide’s movements were quick; he squeezed Kaneki, not enough to enhance his soreness, but enough to push his love onto him. Another quick movement was Hide pulling the other on top of him, forcing Kaneki’s face into Hide’s chest. Hide found himself chuckling a bit roughly, his throat tired from crying. “I’m gonna squish you, Ken.”

“Are you now?” Kaneki spoke into Hide’s chest.

“Yeah. I’ll do it, you know? If I keep squishing you, you won’t leave my sight.”

Kaneki chuckled at Hide; he was back to his quirky self again, and Kaneki was amused. “But what if you get hungry?” As if on cue, Hide’s stomach growled slightly; directly into Kaneki’s face.

“…You’ve got me there.”


End file.
